by Her on January 12, 2012
Well. It’s here.
This is the final day of Hannah’s infancy, the final day of what has been the most nourishing year of my life.
My daughter (mine–wow), this one,
is turning one tomorrow.
It would be impossible to contain this year with some eloquent statement.
It’s simple, though. I’m deliriously in love, my heart surges and shatters every single day, and I am emphatically, everlastingly grateful.
This tiny human has given me so much, and I can only hope that I’ve given her a fraction of that.
by Her on January 2, 2012
by Her on December 17, 2011
What? It rhymes.
Eric and I haven’t made up our minds about which Santa/St. Nick/whoever story we want Hannah to know as she gets older. We obviously didn’t have decide this year, so we went full on Santa, and I have to say it has been a blast.
The last few months have been gloomy-ish, and we had yet another death in the family this week when Eric’s grandmother passed away, and my dad is getting double knee replacements on Monday and won’t be home from the hospital in time for Christmas, so this holiday cheer is precisely what we’ve needed. We’re spoiling ourselves just a little, and it’s delightful.
You’d normally never catch us at Bass Pro Shops, but when I heard they were having a free Santa, we jumped at the chance. The mall Santa gave me a touch of sticker shock, and our backup Santa tore his cornea (how does that even happen?) so couldn’t don the costume today.
The line was delightfully short. Hannah loves pointing and being told what things are. I think she looks quite imperial here.
(Their picture) We kind of (okay, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY) wanted the classic screaming baby with Santa picture, but she kept her calm. It happens.
How do you like the taxidermied reindeer? A smidge too authentic, yes? I reckon that’s the price we pay for getting a free picture at a hunting store.
She’s glaring at us for having the audacity to sit her with him. She did grab his beard, so that’s something.
My face leaves a lot to be desired, but this was her first carousel ride. She doesn’t look like she’s enjoying it, but when the thing first started spinning, she shook with ecstasy. No joke. It was almost as good as frozen peas.
Some old ladies complimented her shoes, so I thought it would be irresponsible to neglect them.
We came home, thinking she would nap, but she thought otherwise, so we played outside for a while. Our intrepid explorer–just look at that grimace of focus.
We wrapped the daylight with some swinging. She loves it when I chase her with the camera, as you can see.
What Santa/holiday/Christmas story did you grow up with? Did it scar you for life? Or do you think you’ll be using the same story forever?
by Her on December 12, 2011
I’m the oldest of three kids.
Eric is the youngest of three kids.
Years ago, when we first started talking about having children, we both agreed that we weren’t such fans of the three dynamic. I’ve seen families where it’s worked amazingly, but in our families, it usually meant that one was being ganged up by two. You could argue that we’re all hardier for this, but I still have some not so fun memories of being not so nice to either my brother or sister at times and it makes me cringe and want to hug them and make up for it.
I’m pretty sure we’ve all made up for everything as we’ve grown up, but I’m still not interested in having three children.
We’ve talked about how we could see Hannah being an only, and I know it would and could be marvelous, but that’s just not something I want to do. I think Eric is much more open to that than I am, but I know, with certainty, that I’m not done with one.
That leaves us with two. I want two kids, but I don’t want two kids any time soon.
When I answer the increasingly more present question of when we want the next one, people sometimes give me a baffled look.
Apparently six (give or take a year) years between babies is steep, but we’re young, and we’re relishing Hannah. We waited so long to get this particular baby that I want to give her everything I’ve got. It’s not a matter of her deserving it; I know she’d be just as loved if we had one right after the other. It is a matter of me deserving it. We went through a lot to bring her home, and I want to be fully engaged in every little thing. So far I am, and so far I’m just about as happy as I’ve ever been in my life.
I don’t know if this is the perfect age gap between babies. I don’t know that there is a perfect age gap between babies, but I do hope this one will work well for us. I’m going back to school for two years, then we have pretty extensive moving plans and travel and career goals, and we want to home school Hannah. All of that is easier with one, initially.
My parents both got their masters degrees while working full time with three kids, and I don’t envy their haggardness during those years. Things were tight financially, and they were extended about as far as anyone can be. That has no doubt influenced my desires to wait longer.
I want Hannah to have playmates, and she will. She has cousins a bit older than her, and we see them often. We also have lots of plans for getting her around kids her age. Right now, we’re on the only child track of socialization because we know she won’t have a sibling to influence her for years yet.
I loved being pregnant. Despite the inevitable anxiety, each day felt like such a victory. Hannah felt like such a fighter, and I was so proud of her even before she was born. I did love it, but I can’t say that I want to be pregnant now, or soon, or maybe ever again. Adoption is still on the table, and we’re nowhere near ready for all of the ambiguities that either option would bring to the forefront of our lives.
This doesn’t mean I don’t already have baby fever sometimes (WHY?! She’s only 11 months old!), but it does mean that we’re doing quite a bit to keep that at bay. We have so much fun with her, so that’s not too difficult. And! I saw a one month old baby at a party this weekend, and I just don’t miss that stage as much as I thought I did. I didn’t think it would be possible, but this dynamic, communicating, dancing, belly laughing, bellowing, dazzling tiny girl captivates my heart more and more as she gets older.
When you think about spacing out your kids, what comes to mind? I’m always curious to see what other people have planned.
